I attended a webinar on forgiveness hosted by Impact100 Garden State. Simply stated, it was powerful. I think intuitively we all know that forgiveness is good and there are health benefits both physical and mental, which studies confirm. Letting go of grudges, anger, and negative feelings isn’t about the other person, but about you. It’s also not about pretending the pain isn't there or that it doesn't matter anymore, it is a process where you grant yourself peace of mind. It was explained as rehabilitation of the heart; it hurts when you’re going through it, but it’s a great intervention.
In order, the steps to forgiveness:
Do no harm - Don’t talk badly about, don’t complain, don’t point it out, don’t fire off the email, don’t hurt them back. Practice mercy versus justice. Let it go, have mercy and give grace.
Uncover what has happened and examine the effects on YOU - In the coaching world we call this processing, understanding what effect the emotion of resentment, anger, etc. has on you. They shared that resentment is the precursor to anxiety, depression and even violence.
See the perpetrator with new eyes - We’ve all heard broken hearted people, break other people’s hearts. Think about how the person who has hurt you possesses inherent worth, not to be earned, but as human beings, despite what they’ve done. You may also need to give yourself some grace on this one and see yourself through new eyes.
Bear the pain - In other words, don’t pass it on to others. Recall the old adage, “we take it out on the ones we love.” Although you’ve been hurt, you have the power to stop the transmission of pain to those around you. Your words and actions (or inactions) are 100% in your control.
Give a gift of goodness to the person that hurt you - This can be as simple as a smile or returned phone call/email, maybe even an actual gift.
This webinar made me think that there are people I’ve gone through this process with naturally, however, there are others I’ve yet to forgive and still harbor resentment towards. I’ve started practicing step 1. I’ll see how far I get in the next few months during this reflection period. It seems like the perfect time to heal wounds, and maybe get to step 5 and give a gift.
I learned that even if you can only get to step 1, there is still a major benefit to your wellbeing and in turn to those who receive your gesture of forgiveness. Why not give yourself the gift of forgiveness?
Interested in how you can better achieve forgiveness? Check out our coaching services to support you. Please contact Isabelle Brennan, 201-602-8816, to learn more.